Tuesday, May 8, 2012

On why kids are not so cute.

rather..parents are not so cute!

Of all other things, India trips mean having to deal with noise. I am not acting posh here, but it has been a long time I heard constant noise at home. My room back home is like a four year old’s play pen. It is scattered with dangerous pointed toys ( beyblade, lego blocks ) and the bed looks like a Barbie doll dressed in pink. That cute and horrid.

I am no good with kids and have never had a single kid smile and play with me. There is a mutual dislike and a “we are good 200m away from each other” attitude. My family – dad, mom and the brother are the extreme (as it has to be). They are like the kid friendly meals in Komalas. With smiley shaped sauce and all. My brother can spend hours with a three year old watching random captain planet shows and my dad can lift and play with any, any child. He terrorizes some by asking random calculations, but that is fun. Mom is a class apart. She donates my stuff to them and makes badam cakes for them. She can also listen patiently about parenting woes and offer free advice on potty training.

I can watch Tom and Jerry, provided I get the bean bag, the remote and a plate of muruku. No sharing, please.

I was casually mentioning this to a friend, when she pounced on my lack of compassion and love for kids.  No big offence, but I really do not understand how we should find these cute, sweet and lovely.

·        A four year old’s mom is super proud about how her daughter spells her name perfectly.  My mom was equally pleased and made the kid spell is twice.  The kid’s mom also swears on some vitamin tablet crap for all this goodness.
What I say: Grow up and buy yourself a tape recorder. Keep playing it all day. Don’t stress the poor thing.  The same goes for making her repeat 1 to 50. It is not funny singing ABCD too.

·        So, M kutty is six years and walks to school (which is exactly 107 steps from apartment) by herself.  Her mom decides to give her Glucon-D only for the sun will suck all her water away.  And this brat will only have it cold. So her mom has to prepare and refrigerate it, because ice cubes are bad for the baby.
What I say: Agreed, big deal. I needed help to board an auto when I was six. But, please stop making her feel like PT Usha. Anyways, 30 kilos is obese for that age.

·        B Boy is now 2 years old. His parents are throwing a race car themed party. They have really cute looking red velvet cupcakes with fondant icing. They had costumes for kids and had hired motorcars for the kids who played bumping cars with arthiritis ridden thathas.
What I say: Seriously, what is with these wealthy parents? Why is your social status and confidence sitting inside that F1 costume party? Also, do not blame him if he asks for an I pad and decides a sleep over party for  1st standard pass ceremony.

Before you totally declare me as a non-compassionate, insensitive jerk – this is what I do with kids. The only sane way to live there is to give myself the pleasure of conversations with semi-grown four year olds. That is, if I am stuck with them. Read on and you will know why we have the 200m thing.

·        I made the spelling bee champion listen to Amar Chitra Katha and made her spell Duryodhana thrice.  When I did this, I held her hands and made sure she cannot run away. In my defense, I gave her three M&M candies after she did it. I could have also made her spell the D’ king’s name but her mom took her back to feed her some memory pill nonsense.

·        M Kutty was made to drink plain water and play in the terrace with me. That is, she plays climbing up and down the stairs on her own.  I wrote numbers with chalk piece on the stairs, so she should do addition- subtraction math when she is on it. I supervise her and read a book.  And, for some entertainment – I was even playing Endhiran songs.  I am not that bad, na.

·        I wont attend any car party . What sense did it make for his mom to come home with just two cupcakes?  I did make him rattle names of all those cars and make the vrooooomm sound. ( I also shared the vroommm induction motor joke to his dad, who works with Ford and wished B to become a mechanical engineer)

My logic is simple. I can have conversations, treat them like young ones and be very good. I cannot make them feel extra special, load their egos and act like they are Adam and Eve’s kutty. They are not. The world is so full of children and so many people are busy making some more. Why don’t you just understand that and be normal towards them? Gah to all you folks who find them awww..ssoo..cute!

A Very Important Note – All babies, semi grown-ups and moms addressed in this post are real and not fictional. Any resemblances to second floor kamini’s kid surya or to ground floor vidya’s kid arya are absolutely planned. Just those, none of them live in my apartment. 

This post has been selected by Blog Adda as a Tangy Tuesday Pick!

Thank you, Blog Adda!

42 comments:

  1. *Stands up and claps* If you ever have babies of your own, you will ensure they grow up to be absolutely adorably responsible human beings...Proud of you babes :)

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    1. Aha, thank you! I knew you would say this :)

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  2. Hahahha Good One . I was a similar kind too. But then of late I realized that I was not really cruel or lacking in the compassion aspect. It has a lot to do with the kids' moms . Now I am a mom of a 2.5 year old. I try not to be 'that' type. But almost all all parents I come across are . Every gathering I go to, I see parents making the kids repeat the ABCD or the songs they know. . Happens everywhere.
    Went to a social gathering recently. There were two kids of the same age (about 2.5 years). M & S. I know both of them very well, M is a real smarto. After the introductions S' s parents kept on telling the crowd how smart he was . They made him sing Twinkle twinkle and the next and the next and so on. M's parents applauded and said good words too but they made no effort to highlight their daughter. I was getting irritated by the way S 's parents and grandparents were boasting and talking about their son and ignoring the other kid who was in the same room and who (to me) was so much more smarter. It was good that her parents did not take it in the same competitive way but then the child was sidelined there. I get into the same situation with my son. At parks, gatherings.. the others keep boasting and the like about their kids .. a while later I wonder if I should do the same ...

    And I used to be irritated with most kids. But now that I have my son I love playing with him . I also love playing with most of his friends, but cannot stand a few others. I hate to tell it aloud that I cannot stand the sweet innocent kids but they all fall into the stereotype "spoiled" ones .

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    1. Times like this, I feel it is like a small monkey jumping up and down in a crowd :( poor kids! I know, you cant tell that aloud. And it is always best the good kids are not spoken too loudly about. Buri nazar :P

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  3. Ayyoo!!!! This is so hilarious! No, wait. This is laughing-so-hard-my-tummy-is-aching-and-my-eyes-are-watering hilarious!

    I agree with you. I prefer to keep a one-arm distance from kids. I love babies, but once they grow up and start talking, they're slightly annoying. I'm ok with them as long as they don't hit me for no reason (some kids do that. I usually hit back. What? It's cute when they do it , but not if I do it? Hmph). That I pretty much brought up my two little brothers (neighbour's kids) is another story. But they were like family, you know.

    And you're SO right about parents making the kids recite random stuff. It's so much pressure on them. Get a parrot, for god's sake!

    Parents these days seem to be in a hurry to make their kids superheroes, right? Sigh... It's sad... I so so appreciate my parents all the more now.

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    1. Yea, probably the only baby who showed some love to me was my brother. That is about 17 years ago. One arm distance'ah? he he..i can relate to that!

      These parents manufacture socially acceptable show-off pieces. Actually, they painfully make them. Our parents were semi-gods. Esp my brother's dad and mom were. He was a devil.

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  4. hahaha......This is hilarious!!
    You have written all my thoughts over here. Not that I hate babies. Soon in near or far future, I might have my own but what is it with them always asking for things you just can't give! Like laptops (I remember a kid pouring a glass full of water on my laptop and when asked about it all he says is "Galti se hogaya"!
    I have so much to share but it might become an entire blogpost! I love kids who are not ridiculously pampered and the newly borns- I adore them!
    I am sure my point of view might change once I have my kids!

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    1. Pucca, mine will change too. I may become one of those strict yet sweet moms but will certainly not update my son's potty antics on FB :P

      And yes, these pampered ones are not kids only! New borns, anyday :)

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  5. LOVE this post! now let me go back to my dilemma of whether to have a kid or not ;)

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    1. He he :)kids are fun,too plus we will see some kid-friendly recipes,na?

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  6. Kids are adorable, but only till they are 3 years old. After they start talking properly, they are only irritating! At least, that's what I feel! :)

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    1. I agree.That rendun-kettan vayasu :P

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  7. yes I have met irritating kids too..but the blame is on the parents who encourage such behaviour. three-old girls that talk like adults make me go mad.
    I have met 8-9 year olds who speak English with an American accent..now tell me how come they get that accent when they are in India???
    the other day I overheard a mother promising the kid an i-pad (maybe the adult's to be made available in the kid's hands) in return for an errand to be run by the kid!!!! sigh! a separate post on this someday.

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    1. Indeed!There are parents who force kids to speak in english all the time. It is a fashion to not know the mother tongue, but that calls for a seperate debate. I tell you, my family cheated me during growing years. Forget I-pad, I was not even bribed an exam pad!

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  8. How the hell have I missed your blog! Hilarious - am a mother of two, and have been living through the atrocities mentioned in here - just take it a notch up on the 'sic-o-meter' (i live in Delhi, you see) and you know what I am talking about!

    Having said that, I think you will make a fantastic, no-nonsense mom!

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    1. Ha Ha! I have also read your blog now and then :) totally understand :) Thanks for dropping by.

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  9. Ha ha... I am really laughing out so loud that my neighbors might come in and say what the hell happened! I am now a mother of a 4 year old but can totally see where all this is coming from... :) I am definitely coming back for more dope.. :)

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    1. Cant thank you enough. I was expecting brickbats for moms :)Do stay tuned!

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  10. i love to play with kids

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  11. Ha Ha Ha.. Good one... Love my kid... http://www.gujaratonnet.com

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  12. Superb post...loved your as-a-matter-of-fact no-nonsense approach towards kids :)
    ROFL @ Adam & Eve's Kutty

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    1. He he :) I bet Pari is going to have a tough time with you :P

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  13. This was a really enjoyable post and a class apart! You sure don't treat children with kid's gloves:)

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    1. No, I dont :) I dont know to treat children. Thats my problem, you see.

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  14. Awesome-ly funny this one was :)
    I love playing with kids and go aww at times but only when are really young and are too chubby and pink and all (Ok, now that's just going against what you said, no?)
    But seriously, the F1 party? too much I say ! Later don't tell him to be careful on the road and this and that.
    Sooper mama. I'm here to stay :P

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    1. Kismi Bar :) whatte nostalgic name that is. Is is even in production,still?

      And, I also like them when they are really small and cute. Not when they act like undergrown 15 year olds :P F1 party is okay, but why only two cupcakes is the question!

      Yes yes, I am in Singapore only!

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  15. Oh oh oh and more oooooooooooh !

    You are in S'pore? I saw Li'l India and MRT in one post and yippee ! I added 1 and 1 and got S'pore :) What? I am smart, okay?

    Whee ! you are the second blogger from S'pore I "met" this week. Whee !

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  16. Oh Arch, this is so true. Extravagance knows no bounds in child care now. good read! :)

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    1. Indulgence:) and hence too much scary attitude. Thanks for dropping by!

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  17. Reading your post was like looking in the mirror :O
    I don't get along with kids and I dont even want to get along with them !
    I love Mc Donalds but I only have Take away food because of the kids crying and screaming all the time :|

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    1. Boy, I am glad to know there are so many who think alike. Thanks for dropping by :)

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  18. Good message to convey archana ...oooh but nowadays kids are so scary to handle .....

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  19. :-) I don't get along with kids too - I can't make the baby noises or coo to them. Including mine - The partner keeps asking why I try and reason with my son instead of treating him like a baby that he is.
    And you are wrong - some traits don't change after becoming a mother - Your child gets used to the quirkiness, and we non-cuddly mothers remain so with others - I am still not comfortable with other kids in the park - never know how to talk to them.
    I so want to do a separate post on the extravagance thing - I keep getting asked why I didn't give a birthday party to my 1 yr old, and why I Still havent got him a tri-cycle, and why I think so much before getting him dresses!

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    1. That is some hope. My niece does not play too well with me too. She is only two now, and I am waiting for her to grow. We should meet and talk about the extravagance thing. I have an itch to write on how weddings are so posh nowadays. Will save it for another day!

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  20. Loved your post. And I am sorry I haven't subscribed to it till now. And now I can;t find the subscribe thingy for Wordpress users. Damn!

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    1. Thanks :) I am reading your blog now. Lovely work, there. Hey, did not know wordpress folks cant follow :( shud i add something?

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  21. Being a parent of a toddler and another baby on the way, I feel people (especially the ones who don't have kids yet) judge way too easily. I was one of those too - and I absolutely don't do that anymore. The examples you gave are over the top, but I'm sure even those parents are doing lots of stuff right for their kids. Who are we to tell them how they should parent? I get the humor from your post, but as a parent of young children, I am also slightly offended, coz no matter what choices I make, I will be judged. People leave no chance to bring on the mommy/daddy guilt these days.

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    1. Shachi, The examples are indeed with humour. That said, there are parents with extravagance over the top as well. I was slightly hesitant to post as I knew I would be asked if I have kids :) and that is not wrong too. There is no judgement here involved, but more of a rant and an opinion that I am unable to treat kids with kids gloves.

      Also, people will judge you/me on whatever we do. Do what feels best to you,and to your kid :) Thanks for dropping by!

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  22. nicely done KC! was cleaning up by Google Reader when i stumbled across this post. Couldn't stop smiling all through the post :)

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  23. LOL :D awesome post... i have little patience for kids too, and for parents who think that their kid is some sort of genius!

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